Sorry it has been over a month since my last blog post. There has been so much going on at school. School has taken up most of my life here. I get to work around 7am and then get home around 7pm. Once I get home, I continue working on school things. There is just so much to do. Since my roommate and I are the only full time English teachers that have returned to our school, a lot of people look to us for answers. I don’t mind helping the foreign staff figure out how to plan and give insights for teaching, but the jobs given to me are beyond what I came here for. So far this year I have helped come up with routines and procedures for our whole school to operate, help rearrange the school schedule, made a supervision schedule, changed the supervision schedule, and changed it again because there is always something that doesn’t work for someone. It is really hard to make everyone happy at our school. Sometimes I feel like it is my job to make sure everyone is happy, but I am learning that I am going to have to let some things fail in order for change to happen.
All these extra jobs and tasks have caused a lot of different feelings that I didn’t have last year. Last year, even in the midst of tension and unease, I knew this was where God called me. However, this year it has been very difficult. The devil has definitely attacked my mind. I have questioned whether I am supposed to be here or not. I have felt purposeless, unwanted, unnecessary, and many other feelings. There have been many nights I have wanted to book a flight home the next day, because I couldn’t see my purpose here. Many tears have been shed, just wanting to go to something familiar and stable. But God reminds me in his gentle yet firm voice, I am called to be here. And I am reminded of this quote from The Help, “You is Kind, You is Smart, You is Important”. I am kind; I care about the school and the people in the school. I want to see it succeed. I am smart; I have good ideas and I have something to offer here. I am important; I have a role to play here.
God has called me here. He never said it was going to be easy to move across the world and help start a school, but he did say he would never forsake me! Even in the darkest of times the one thing that carried me through is knowing God is with me and feeling the His presence. His constant reminder that I am meant to be here has kept me here. I am learning more and more every day. God is teaching me what my limits are. He is teaching me to set boundaries. He is teaching me to trust him. He has it all in his hands. There is nothing that surprises God! And I am constantly learning of his love. I am a beloved daughter of the King. He will never forsake me. There is nothing I can do to make him love me less. I desire to be pleasing to Him.
“Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, Let me walk upon the waters, Wherever You would call me, Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, And my faith will be made stronger, in the presence of my Savior!” (Oceans – Hillsong)
Oceans always seems to be on my mind and speaks to my life. God lead me where you want me to go. Guide my steps so that all I do points to you and for you to be the only explanation for what I am able to do. Help me to have faith in you even when it can be hard to see the good in the day. Thank you for your presence in my life every day and in every step I take!
Please pray for me as I continue to set boundaries and trust in God’s plan. Pray that I learn how to say no, even if that means that something doesn’t get done. Pray for the school that we will listen and follow God’s will and plan. Pray for our foreign staff, as everyone is tired and trying to learn how to navigate a bilingual environment. Pray for our national staff, as they are just as tired and exhausted but have no one to turn to as they are not Christians. Thank you so much for your prayers! They truly make a difference!!!
