You Will Always be a Foreigner

Today in my TEFL class we were talking about culture shock and understanding Chinese culture. Our instructor shared a blog post with us and this really sums up China's view of foreigners:

In the Chinese worldview, there are two kinds of people in the world: Chinese and foreigners. Unlike the English usage of the word “foreigner,” which is a relative term, in Chinese it is absolute. Like the terms Jews and Gentiles, they are mutually exclusive. A Chinese cannot be a foreigner and a foreigner cannot be a Chinese. (http://joannpittman.com/).

The Chinese see all the people in the world as two types of people. You are either Chinese or a Foreigner, no matter where you are if you aren't Chinese you are a foreigner. And it doesn't matter how long you have lived in China or studied the language and culture you will always be a foreigner. I knew this in the beginning but could never really put words to it, but today we read this and it all made sense (well kind of).As a foreigner you will always be stared at when walking down the streets. The Chinese won't always understand what you are saying even when you speak in Chinese. And they will still try to make you spend more on merchandise and transportation because you are a foreigner. It is just something to get used to!

During class we also discussed culture shock. We talked about culture shock in my last TEFL course and we talked about the same things, but things are different when you are in the mix of experiencing the culture shock. As I was reading the chapter in our book about culture shock in China I could say I have experienced this and that. I have felt the loneliness of living in this foreign land not being able to communicate with the locals. I have had days where I just wanted to stay inside because the thought of having to communicate in hand motions and gestures to buy something or go somewhere exhausted me. I have also been laughed at when trying to do my best to communicate with the locals. Sometimes it just seems so hard. But then there are days that it's exciting to experience this foreign culture and try to get around by playing charades with everyone you meet (seriously my entire life is charades with the Chinese). It's definitely something different than back in the States.

We talked about the different stages of culture shock. When I think back on my experience in China I skipped the honeymoon phase (or it was a really short phase) and went straight to the irritability/hostility stage because everything annoyed me and I just wanted to go home. Also the circumstances were not ideal in my case. But I think now I am gradually adjusting. I have learned how to communicate with the local convenience store clerk to buy the basics (meaning I know how to say my numbers and thank you and I have apps that help with the rest LOL). I have learned how to get around on the buses and subway and even direct a taxi to places I want to go! I still get irritated with things but I get over it pretty fast and move on to enjoying my time here.

We also talked in class about reverse culture shock. This is the time when you transition back into your home culture. So when I come back to America. That seems to be everyone's question for me, "So when are you coming home?" I still don't have an answer to that question. I might come home in December or I might stay longer. I don't know. But I do know that the thought of leaving in December saddens me. I have grown to like China. It is my new normal. I know where to go to get the things I want/need. And today in class I was thinking about when I return to the States, what will it be like? Will I be overwhelmed with the selection of things in Target? Will I be able to go shopping and not drop dead when I see the price of some of the items? Will I feel comfortable talking to people in English and being surrounded by English? Life is so different here in China, it's not bad it's just different. At first it seems bad because it is like the opposite of what you have grown up with but just because it is different doesn't make it wrong/bad.

So today as we were talking about reverse culture shock in class a lot of people brought up the fact that talking to people back home will be difficult because when you want to talk about your time overseas they really just want a quick overview of your time and then they tell you about them. I think it is hard for people to relate to your stories about your adventure because you left the United States and most of the population of the US has never left the country, let alone their state. They have nothing to relate to you about. When you tell them you walked on the Great Wall of China (a wonder of the world) they may be in awe for a few seconds but then there is nothing they can relate to so they change the subject to something they have done. It's easier for them because they know you have lived in America so there has to be something you understand/relate to about their experiences. So you are left talking about their lives and not being able to share about your adventures overseas.

So these are things to prepare myself for when I come home. But I have kind of being dealing with this now when talking to people back home. It's not a bad thing! I love talking to people back home because I get to keep in contact with home and still feel like I know what is going on. I do however hate the feeling like I am missing out on things. I mean my friends are preparing for weddings and babies and there is a possibility that I won't get to be there for the weddings or hold the cute little newborns. Also talking to friends and family is hard because everyone asks how I am doing and I answer but it is a quick answer and before I can share an experience they are already talking about something going on in their life. I want to hear what's going on, but by the time I have time to say something we both have to go. So it feels like it is already beginning. People aren't as interested in my experiences, just as long as they know that I am ok! But I feel like I understand why people tell me all about themselves because I can relate/understand what is going on. Also they are keeping me up-to-date on all the happenings going on, but when I talk about China they don't have really anything to say because they haven't been here or experienced something similar. It's ok. I will continue to talk to people back home and get my updates on the happenings in Kentucky! I miss everyone back home and love getting updates, makes me feel like I am not on the other side of the world!

Love,

Working Saturday

So I just worked my first Saturday here in China. Let me just say I am not a fan! In the United States when you have a holiday (days off of work) you don't have to make those days up on the weekends, I am pretty sure that defeats the purpose of a holiday. Well in China you do. I don't know the logic/reasoning behind this but during some holidays you have to work on the weekend to make up for the days you had off during the week. Yeah. It truly makes no sense!

Anyways... It's back to the grind with work. I am really loving my job. I love the kids in my classes and the people I work with. Everyone is so nice and helpful. Also the kids are well behaved compared to the last school I was at and compared to some of the schools in the States. LOL. I am glad I have an education background, but sometimes the things I want to do with my kids (who are kindergarten level) are too difficult because explain the directions is complicated. Also there days that I want to do something creative for arts and crafts but I can't find the stuff I need because everything is in Chinese (I know I'm in China what should I expect right?). Also the quality of the things here is not as good as in the States. Which is weird because usually everything is made in China. Guess the only export the good stuff and keep the poor quality stuff for themselves.

I am really struggling with the science class. I want to do some fun experiments but explaining what is happening is difficult so really we would just be doing an experiment. I enjoy doing experiments but I come across the same problem, I don't know where to find the things I need. I can ask people at school but it is usually last minute and I don't have time to go to the store or wherever I need to go to get the things I need. This is really just me venting :). I usually get through the week and I look back and I learn what went well and what I would like to change for the next time. So it is all a learning experience.

In my cooking class this week I made the classic American snack, Ants on a Log. If you don't know what that is it is a piece of celery with peanut butter and raisins. The celery is the log, the peanut butter is also the log (must have something for the raisins to stick to), and the raisins are the ants. I remember eating this snack a lot as a child. I would usually lick the peanut butter off and then eat the celery plain. So I decided to try this snack here in China. It was actually pretty funny. First one of the Chinese teachers asked me if you could eat celery without cooking it. She said they don't eat it raw it is always cooked. Then one of the kids in one of my classes saw me putting peanut butter on the celery and she said "that is no yummy". I just laughed and said "you haven't tried it yet". But in my head I knew she wasn't going to like it. So I put peanut butter on all the celery and let the kids add the raisins. Once they added the raisins I told them they could eat it. Many of the kids examined the celery and then closed their eyes to try it. I tried my hardest to hold in my laughter. Let's just say the Chinese kids were not a fan of this classic American snack (I say classic because seriously every time I looked up American snacks the first one on the list is Ants on a Log). So it is funny to see the difference between cultures. The Chinese are very used to eating a lot of vegetables, but they are usually cooked into their dishes. And then there are Americans who don't always eat a lot of vegetables (and those that say they eat a lot of vegetables, I am almost certain you don't eat as many as the Chinese!), but we eat raw and cooked veggies. So the iconic Ants on a Log snack goes over well in America, but is not a hit in China (or at least at my school).

On Tuesday I start my TEFL course at the Foreign Expert Hotel in Beijing. I have to leave my apartment by 7:30 in the morning to get on the subway to get to the closest subway station to the hotel and then take a cab to the hotel. I think I am dreading the class because I am dreading the commute. I am hoping it is better than I am imagining. Everyone is saying that this class will help me get the work visa, but I still don't know what I want. There is part of me that still would like to go home in December, but there is another part of me that wants to stay here. I really just want to go where God wants me. I know he has great plans for me and if that means staying in China I will gladly do it, but if it means going home then I will go home.

The thought of going home has had me thinking about what I would do back in the States. Would returning to the classroom be a possibility after teaching here? Do I look for jobs in other countries? Do I look into doing something other than teaching? I never thought I would say that but I am learning things about myself here that I didn't think about when I was home. I grew up always wanting to be a teacher but I don't think it was the teaching aspect that I was drawn to. I love working with kids and seeing them learn and grow. I think growing up I thought the best way to work with kids and see them learn is to teach, but what if that isn't the only way? Just thoughts that I keep thinking about. But they are just my thoughts. God has a plan for me that is bigger than I can imagine and as much as I want to know his plan I am glad I just have to follow and trust him. So I don't know what I am going to be doing in December, but I know that God's plans are better than my own!

**Some random comments**
*The pollution here is awful! LOL. The Air Quality was in the 400s this week which is hazardous and yes I walked to school in it without a mask.
*I am still singing on the worship team at church and I love it! I never thought I would sing on stage in front of people. I truly was content singing into my shower head, but God's plans are better than my own! Glad that it's to worship God because the focus is on him! :)
*I work with some really awesome people and they are one of the reasons I don't mind staying in China. I feel like I live at the other apartment with the girls and just sleep at my apartment. LOL.
*I went to a local market and bought some personal art supplies, like sketch pencils, pens, markers, colored pencils. So I am excited to start doing some drawing and writing :). and....
*I miss everyone back home! :)

With love,